Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
