I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
