So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We got so high we made milksteak
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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