I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
