Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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