My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just cut my nipple shaving
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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