i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
