Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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