omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
