According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
