Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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