You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
