Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
