the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
