Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
