Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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