youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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