You're earring is so big in my mouth
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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