you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize