My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
