dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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