well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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