I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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