im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
