I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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