Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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