nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
