Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
