He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
