I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
