Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
