I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
