everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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