last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
