i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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