Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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