no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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