I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
