he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
