It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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