She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize