Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize