and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Girls should come with a carfax report
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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