And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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