wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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