I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
