I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
