Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just googled if crying burns calories
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize