can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
