How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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