I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
