i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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