It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
