my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
