he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
