at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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