so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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