someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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