11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
