So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
