East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
