I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
