After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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