Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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