My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize