Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
